Cynical Zen
- Do not walk behind me… for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me… for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either… just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
- Its always darkest before dawn… so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
- Always remember that you’re unique… just like everyone else.
- If you think nobody cares if you’re alive… try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
- Before you criticize someone… you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don’t succeed… skydiving is probably not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
- If you tell the truth… you don’t have to remember anything.
- Some days you’re the bug… some days you’re the windshield.
- Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like ‘The Force’… it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- There are two theories to arguing with women… neither one works.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- Never… under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
